I amuse myself in several ways, one is with revised scenarios in television and movies. I see and hear the old Dating Game television program with Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass band’s tune.
The host with the “And heeere they are…!”
So, I have three bachelors and my last question is:
“If your penis could speak, what actor or singer would it sound like and what would it say?”
Choices might be made along racial lines.White men might choose Elvis Presley and imitate his voice.One might choose Michael Bolton and sing his response.The Three Don’s that would not be named: Don Adams, because of his Secret Agent Maxwell Smart association; Don Rickles, none too attractive voice, and Don Knotts for the same reason.
Black men might choose Barry White.His “Oh, baby, baby…” classic is a very appropriate response.Luther Vandross, known for singing, created a lot of “love music.” James Earl Jones has a nice booming voice and is most known for the voice of Darth Vader.That response could be very funny. William Marshall is good but depending on the ages of the contestants, he may not be well known. The last thing he did that I remember was Richard Daystrom on “Star Trek.”
I do like the man in the Velveeta commercial as a choice, “Smite, until you can smite no more!”
Lots of giggles but revealing responses.Maybe a couple of crazy answers will inform the final choice.
When I watched Harry Potter movies, I put Voldemort in another situation where he decided to go through a socialization period with either female muggles or liberated witches.The latter was a better possibility in a club for witches similar to Chippendales.
He decides to try his hand at strip dancing.Another stripper, sensing Voldemort’s duress when he does not have the appropriate attire, lends him a thong, a black one with sequins.Voldemort watches the other strippers to learn what he has to do.The witches are drunk, screaming, laughing aloud, and whipping their wands all over the place.The liquor is flowing in glasses from bottles in the air.The male waiters are getting their asses rubbed after they deliver the drinks, something they don’t have to do.
His turn came up, introduced as “Voldie!”Voldemort stepped on stage walking and attempting to get a beat move on.He duplicated moves he saw other dancers perform.
“You shot, we’ve seen tha’ tall ready!!Do somethin’ NEW!!” yelled an inebriated witch.
He looks into the face of the woman and creates his own move.He continued repeating it then fell back to what he observed. Witches are giggling, hurling – literally – insults and cracks at him.He exaggerated his moves, similar to what he did with his wand.Voldemort was getting into it.
‘Vol DEE!Vol DEE!! Vol DEE!!!” the witches yelled.They didn’t clap.Some of them manifested floating hands that did the clapping…and out of rhythm. Well, that happens when they’re drunk.
Voldemort continued to try.He worked his moves; his moves looked like he was suffering from spasms.He did not like heckling.He mustered up his patience to ignore it but it was weighing on him.
“ENOUGH!!! He screamed.The music continued, the floating hands clapped, and glasses clinked as if no one heard him.
“What?! After I cleared my shhhedjule fo’ thi’ snight?!” A drunken witch replied. Are you serious?” She hiccupped.Then she giggled.“Dance suh mo’, you black sequined wearin’ hunk!”MOVE IT!!!”
The other witches listened, laughed, and carried on.“MOVE it!!MOVE it” Sterling notes were floating in the air.Some had them in their hands because they wanted to slip them, well, in places they wanted to slip them into.Gold pieces tended to slip out of the thongs or into the pouches and chafed the dancers.Some attempted to get Voldemort’s attention with kisses and lip licking as they made noises as if they were eating their favorite dish.
Voldemort gave up.He waved his wand and laid waste to the place.The witches were still alert enough to zap out.Explosions erupted throughout the space.Fires flared and smoke billowed.The only other person left was the owner.
He pulled Voldemort to the side away from the flames, more for his own safety.
“Yo, V, you can’t do this!You said you had your temper under control, man!”
“You can easily remove this.You do have the magic to – “, Voldemort said, waving his wand.
“Tha’ tis not the point!My establishment provides a safe place where these women could ge’ their snar’ kon.They may not come back ’cause of wha’ you did.Ge’ tout!!”
And that ended Voldemort’s efforts and further desires to socialize, to engage in activities with the opposite sex.He thought they were crass and he was prepared to overlook them.However, there was a limit; he did not think he would reach it as quickly as he did.
Allison L. Williams Hill is an artist, designer, planner, healer, Integrative Health Coach, and inventor. She shares her work and services through:
Metaphysical Services and Spiritual Art
“Do All Things In-Vesica”
Registered Medium and Spiritual Counselor, Certified Spiritual Healer, Church of Wisdom, and a member of the Holistic Healers/Healing Works Professional Association.
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